I'm participating in an online book club reading of Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids over at Code Name: Mama and the Natural Parents Network forum. The discussion doesn't start until February 6th, so if you are interested, grab a copy of the book and join us!
One of the principles in the beginning of the book is that we can't take care of our children if we aren't taking care of ourselves. This makes sense to me on an intellectual level, but I find it very hard to put into practice. This doesn't mean I'm a martyr, far from it. I just think it's hard to make everything a priority. Something has to be first and something has to be last.
Our preacher did a sermon once about how God shouldn't be #1 on your list. Instead, He should be at the center of all you do, much like a target, with each ring being centered around the bull's eye. So using that example, I'm struggling with how to prioritize my spiritual walk, my husband, my children, my household, and my self.
I often eat a lot at the end of the day. My husband thinks I'm a little crazy because I will eat dinner and then after the kids are in bed, I eat again. A bowl of cereal, a granola bar, a whole bunch of homemade nachos, you get the idea. I don't think he understands why I'm so hungry at the end of the day. It's often because I forget to eat while I'm taking care of the kids. I find it difficult to sit down and eat with them, so I usually eat breakfast before they get up, snack on their leftovers from lunch, and then try to eat a few bites of dinner as quickly as I can (often while standing up) so that I can get them fed, cleaned up, etc.
This blog is an example of how I do take time for myself. I enjoy writing. I enjoy reading other blogs. I enjoy the social networking involved. Certainly, blogging has become my creative and intellectual outlet.
Whether it's taking the time to sit down and eat during nap time or setting aside time to blog, I always struggle with what I should be doing. If I'm blogging, I should be cleaning. If I'm cleaning, I should be spending quality time with my kids. If I'm spending quality time with my kids, I should be making dinner. If I'm spending quality time with hubby, I should be doing laundry.
For me at least, the struggle seems to be a question of being present in the moment, without the nagging feeling that there is something more important/urgent than the task at hand. I can't do it all, but I can be fully present for all I do.
I totally understand about struggling with what you should be doing. I feel the same way and it feels like I am being pulled in every direction and I don't know which to do first and which last because it seems like I want it all taken care of at once. Uh, mama, I'm there with you.
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